the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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