She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize