Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
