i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize