Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
