Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
