My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
