i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
