I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
