I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
