I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
