dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize