mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize