Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
