I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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