i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
