Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
