every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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