he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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