shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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