the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
