Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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