dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
