I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
