Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
