I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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