my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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