bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
