Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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