i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize