I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
