Can Purell be used as lube?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
