She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize