I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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