Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
