Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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