whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
