The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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