please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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