At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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