Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
