When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
