Best friends brother. Beat that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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