My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
