she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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