I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
