I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
