I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
