Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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