Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
