I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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