I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
