Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
