if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
