my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
