i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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