WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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