I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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