I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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