I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
