i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
