When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
