i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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