my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
